The Dungeon Builder’s Harem Book Three Part Sixteen

 

The Dungeon Builder’s Harem Book Three

Part Sixteen

by mypenname3000

© Copyright 2020


Story Codes: Female/Teen female, Teen male/Female/Teen females, Oral Sex, Facial, Anal Sex, Anal, Ass to Mouth, Domination/Submission, Spanking, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Hot WIfe, MILF, Fantasy, Gamelit, Magic

For a list of all the dungeon builder stories click here

Comments are very welcome. I would like all criticism, positive and negative, so long as it’s
constructive, and feedback is very appreciated.



Click here for Part 15.



Note: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this!

Chapter Thirty-Six

Leo opened the door for Morana. She gazed out on a large bedroom with several beds in it. The stone decor was the same, but there were carpets on the ground and tapestries that hid much of the ugliness. The work of women unable to let things remain as they were was evident.


Homemakers.

“So this is the girl,” purred a girl made entirely of ice. Her flesh reflected Morana’s pale form. “Isn’t that the goth girl that picked on you, Leo?”

“Christ, Crystal, she never picked on me,” said Leo. “We just… didn’t get along that well.”

“I was a fool not to see the dark majesty of Leo,” Morana said. “But now I see his power. His…” Her words trailed off as she stared at a girl made of clay. “Is that the barista from Morning Drip?”

“I am,” Terra said. “Did you ever come in?”

“I would never go into such a pedestrian place as a coffee shop like the mindless masses,” Morana said, sniffing her nose. This is one of the women that Leo picked? I can see his older sister, for that is kinky, but that smiling and perky prep who is full of empty platitudes?

“Wow,” Terra said, looking Morana up and down. “Rebellious phase?”

“Now you sound like my parents,” Morana said, rolling her eyes. “Especially my step-mother. It is not rebelling to throw away the conformity of the masses to be my own thinker.”

“By dressing like all the other non-conformists,” said a girl made all of chrome.

“Hagane?” Morana asked, staring at the Japanese girl. “Not a bad choice, Leo.” Her eyes slid to the crimson-skinned and busty girl with this wild streak about her. Horns peeked out of her black hair. “You’re the porn star.”

“Nina Naughty,” she said. “I’d try not to sneer so much at some of us.”

“The Dark Lord needs to have the best women serve him.”

“Dark Lord?” Crystal asked. “You’re going to give Leo an even bigger ego than he has.”

“He’s the Dark Lord Big Bro!” Garnet squealed. “It’s such a super cool nickname. And I’m Dark Succubus Naughty Garnet now!”

Crystal rolled her eyes at the pretension. Garnet deflated and turned to Leo. He rubbed a fond hand over her head. “You can call me what you like, and you’re my dark and naughty succubus.”

Her wings lifted.

“Well, dear, it’s a pleasure to have you,” purred a mature woman with leafy-green hair and golden-brown skin. “I’m Leo’s mother, Zoe Baldwin.”

Morana arched an eyebrow. “Kinky. A MILF. And is that another MILF? And is she an angel? Really.”

“What is wrong with me being an angel, young lady?” demanded the MILF. She even had a halo over her head.

“I bet you were a homemaker, right? The perfect Stepford wife.” Morana stiffened and moved like a robot. Then, in a mechanical voice, said, “I am built to bake apple pie.”

The angel arched an eyebrow.

“Wow,” said the silver-skinned woman with golden hair that crackled with electricity. “I’ve met some primadonnas in my day, but you’re, Morana, wow. You’re an arrogant, little bitch.”

Anger surged through Morana. She glared at the woman then recognized her. “Lana Fulmine? Leo, you brought Lana Fulmine into this world? That no-talent actress who only succeeded because she spread her legs on the casting couch and starred in such dribble as Jane Dangerous!”

“I was Leo’s first choice,” hissed Lana Fulmine. “What are you? His tenth?”

“Morana,” Leo growled. “That’s enough. I like who I like. Jane Dangerous was smoking hot, and so is Lana. Those are my favorite movies. I don’t give a shit if they’re lowbrow or not.”

I spun to face him. I stared at him in shock. “You deserve better than some of your women. Terra, Maya, that angel, and Lana Fulmine. You could have had interesting women in your harem. Not vapid sluts and brainwashed housewives.”

“Brainwashed?” The angel advanced. “You think that because I was a housewife, I was brainwashed? What, I was too stupid to not realize I could have had a career or something? That I didn’t know what I want? A mother? A wife? That I wanted to raise my own family.”

“It’s just society has—” Morana started.

“Society?” The angel shook her head. “Conformity? You’re just a girl who doesn’t like the fact that she was one of three billion other women. No different from them. You think that you can spout all that nonsense, think everyone who doesn’t act like you is too dumb to see your pedantic truth? I know a spoiled brat when I see one. A girl who was never disciplined. Never challenged. Who had her whole life scheduled and controlled by her parents? Who thinks listening to depressing music, dressing in all black, and whining about how everyone else is robots or idiots makes deep and thoughtful. You’re as shallow as a muddy puddle, Morana. And now that you are special. One of the twelve women Leo can pull into this world—twelve out of billions—you try to attack the rest of us because we’re not as self-obsessed and trite as you is nauseating.”

Morana gaped at her. No one had ever talked to her this way. She struggled to gather herself. To launch a retort at this angry angel. She could shriek, rupture the woman’s eardrums. Make her brain explode. She was a banshee. Given powers by the dark lord.

“Leo chooses us because he’s a horny, sixteen-year-old boy,” the angel said. “All of us are girls and women he’s masturbated to. Lusted for. He had the chance to bring us here, give us power, and experience our love, and he took it. He made us special. Gave us all a chance to be more than we were in the other world. But that doesn’t mean what we were in that other world didn’t have importance just because you can’t see past your own rebellious nonsense.

“My name is Bella Lucina. The other me, the one that is still in our world, is a happy wife and mother. She’s more than content with what she had. Me, I’m that part of her that always wondered what if I hadn’t walked this path. If I didn’t decide to choose to have a family over having fun. Over enjoying young, hot men. Same with Terra. With Lana Fulmine. Same with you. People are not the caricatures that you pretend they are. We’re so much more, but it’s easy to just judge them and write them off. You don’t have to have your vapid, little worldview challenged, do you?”

My cheeks burned. Everyone was staring at me. This was so humiliating. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“You don’t know anything about yourself,” said Mrs. Lucina. “But you will. You’re going to learn here. You’re going to discover facets of your personality you didn’t know you had. Abilities to love, to hate, to endure pain and suffering. You’re going to find out that you have strengths, Morana. That you have worth.

“You’re Leo’s. He chose you, Morana. Out of all the women in his life, all the hot actresses and slutty porn stars that he could have chosen, he picked you. He added you to his harem. He welcomed you into his family. This is going to be your new home. You’re going to love it if you can stop acting like a spoiled brat. But until then…”

She seized a fistful of Morana’s black hair. The banshee gasped as the angel dragged her to the bed.
“I know how to deal with a spoiled brat.”

Mrs. Lucina sat down before pulling Morana over her lap. The banshee gasped, lying on her elbows, the mattress dimpling beneath them. She lay stretched out on the bed over the angel whose hand rested on Morana’s rump.

The banshee’s eyes widened in realization of what was about to happen. Leo and his other women were watching. Maya had a smirk on her lips while Lana Fulmine nodded in satisfaction. This deep shame suffused the banshee. This was all her fantasies. She had escaped the mundanity of the world and found something more, only to find all the people that she thought were the problem.

All the posers and preps. The fakes.

Was she fake, too? A poser pretending to be dark and edgy. A rich girl pretending she had any real problems. What was this need that was in her to create problems for her to solve when her life had no challenges? No real ones.

Studying for a standardized test was about it.

That and dealing with her bitch of a step-mother with her fake tits and perky ass.

Mrs. Lucina’s hand cracked down on Morana’s rump.

CRACK!

The stinging pain shot through her body. She gasped, her ass flexing beneath it. She shuddered on the bed, whimpering against the pain that shot through her body and melted down to her pussy. She whimpered, her cold flesh heating up from the burning smack.

Leo watched her. The others did as the angel drew back her hand and smacked it down again on the banshee’s rump.

CRACK!

More pain shot through her. She groaned, her face contorting from the pain.

CRACK!

She gasped, her eyes widening. Her body squirmed.

CRACK!

The stinging heat melted to her cunt while tears sprung in her eyes.

CRACK!

The banshee whimpered, squirming.

She had never been spanked. Discipline had always been to be denied things. Sit in the corner. No phone for a week. Never a hand smacking down on her rump. Never an immediate consequence to her action. She groaned, her rump cleaning from the heat.

CRACK!

“Mrs. Lucina,” she gasped, her pussy getting hotter and hotter. Her rump blazed. The heat swelled through her chilly body, warming her up. If she had a heart, it would be beating.

CRACK!

“Oh, Mrs. Lucina,” she gasped, the pain intense. There was something about this that felt so right. “I was… I was… I was a bitch to everyone.”

CRACK!

“I was a bitch to those chosen by the Dark Lord!”

CRACK!

“A cunt! A completely twat-waffle!”

CRACK!

The pain seared through her rump. It burned so bad, reinforcing how terrible she was. Mrs. Lucina was right. She had just been a poser. She saw herself in all of them. Mrs. Lucina was that fear of being what biology wanted her to be: the mother. Lana Fulmine was the fear of using her sexuality to get men to give her things instead of earning them. Terra was the dread of just being another cog in a soulless business. Maya was the fear of being herself and admitting she was just a girl who liked a boy.

Morana pretended at being goth for the same reason so many others pretended. She didn’t like herself. She was afraid of the life that her parents had planned for her. All the expectations of society. So she rebelled and pretended she was special.

That she wasn’t like all the other young people doing the same thing. Maybe not the same way she did, but they were all putting on masks. Being fake. Pretending to be something they weren’t out of fear and self-loathing. And she brought all that baggage here.

This wasn’t the real world. She wouldn’t have to work at a soulless business, she wouldn’t be a mother, she didn’t have to be a slut to spread her thighs for success. Here, she could be herself. Morana the Banshee, concubine to the Dark Lord. To the man who had brought them here for a reason.

He had a purpose. A cause. She could see it in Leo’s eyes. He was fighting for something, and he called her here to be more than his monster girl slut. He called her here to fight at his side. At the side of his women.

“I’m sorry, Leo, for being such a cunt,” Morana moaned.

CRACK!

“I’m so sorry! What is our mission? Why are we here?”

“That is the mission,” growled Leo, his eyes intent. “Why was I brought here? Why was I thrust into a world that hated me for being an invader and forced to defend myself? For four thousand years, this mystery has stood. I’m going to fucking uncover it.”

“And he will,” a woman that had hung in the back said. This was no monster girl. She was human, her black hair in a braid, her body athletic and yet sensual. “He’s going to find out why my world has been invaded over and over again. And you’re going to help, Morana.”

Morana nodded. This was what she had been searching for: her purpose. Where she fit in with the world. She never felt like she had belonged in the other. Not the right peg for the hole everyone wanted her to fit into, but here… Here she was a part of something.

“Yes!” Morana moaned. “I’m going to help, Dark Lord. Whatever you need.” She squirmed, her pussy so hot. “And I’m sorry. I was being… my old bitchy self.”

“Yeah, we all can be cunts,” Maya said, shrugging. “It’s cool.”

“I did get my start on the casting couch,” Lana Fulmine said. “And it nearly destroyed my soul. I felt so dirty, but I wanted to be a star so much I let that fat, disgusting producer paw my body. And not just once. I had a choice, and I chose to debase myself for my dream. But here…” She smiled at Leo. “My number one fan loves me. I don’t debase myself. Oh, no, I revel in the passion. The hedonism of the harem. There’s no judgment here, Morana. There’s no place for it in this harem. Every one of us was flawed, broken, missing something.

“We found it here.”

The other women all nodded. And even Leo was nodding. The human, too. Morana looked at them and she suddenly felt loved. Not just cared for, not tolerated, but loved. Valued. She wasn’t a daughter to fill her parents’ ambitions and dreams, a student to be filled with knowledge. Not a charge for a nanny to care for. No, no, here she was Morana the Banshee, loved by the Dark Lord and his harem of sexy monster girls and a bad-ass human warrior. There was even an elf lurking on the edges who watched on with a smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” whispered Morana. She sat up and stared at Mrs. Lucina. “Thank you for spanking some sense into me and…” She squirmed. “It really, really made my pussy wet.”

“Then why don’t we deal with that,” purred Mrs. Lucina. “How about you lick my pussy and Leo can fuck you in the ass. You haven’t been ass-fucked yet, have you?”

Morana shook her head. She licked her lips.

“But Leo’s ass-fucked a ghost,” said Garnet. “That’s the new monster girls. Sexy ghosts. Leo stuck them out in the dungeon. They’re wandering around meeting the other monster girls. Having naughty fun. They’re so hot. You’ll love them.”

“I bet we will,” Halia said. “Who wants to go track them down?”

“That sounds like fun,” said Lana Fulmine. “Hagane?”

“Yes!” the metallic girl said with such enthusiasm in her voice that it shocked Morana. “I would love to do that.”

“I’m in,” Crystal said.

“I think I want to stick around and enjoy Morana once Leo’s done fucking her ass,” purred Terra. She smacked her lips.

“Oh, yes,” said Mrs. Baldwin. “You are an interesting girl. I’ve seen you a few times. You wore combat boots. I thought you looked cute.”

Morana groaned. “Cute? In combat boots.”

“They worked for you,” the motherly woman said. She had a tree sort of vibe to her. A dryad, wondered Morana. “And those fishnet stockings. You pulled them off in such an adorable way.”

“Oh, god, this is embarrassing,” Morana moaned. “I was supposed to be edgy and ugly. To reject what was appropriate for a girl. Not… not… cute.”

“Yeah, you were cute,” Leo said. “I mean, in a sort of scary way. But yeah, cute. Even hot. I used to jerk off thinking about painting your pale face and black lips in my cum.”

“Well…” Morana shuddered. “If you want to spray your seed upon my face, Dark Lord, I am here to serve your perversions.”

The angel laughed. “Oh, you do like to pretend, don’t you, Morana?”

The banshee shrugged. “I am a creature of death who shall devour your pussy. We should be mortal foes, but we are not.”

“That would be us,” Mrs. Baldwin said. “I’m Life. She’s Light.”

“Yeah, Mrs. Lucina is my mortal enemy!” Garnet declared. She flapped her wings and landed on the bed beside the angelic MILF. “I shall smother you and your holy radiance with my dark pussy! Kweh, heh, heh.”

“See, you’re not the only one that likes to play games,” Mrs. Lucina said. She stretched out on her back, her large breasts jiggling together. Then, in a very unconvincing tone, gasped, “Oh, no, the Dark Succubus Naughty Garnet has me at her mercy thanks to her nefarious ally, the Dark Banshee Kinky Morana.”

“That’s right!” Garnet cooed and then threw her wings wide. She jumped into the air, her black pigtails fluttering, and then floated down to straddle the angel’s face. “Take that. Yummy, dark pussy!”

The angelic MILF didn’t hesitate to lick her. Morana smiled as Garnet groaned. It was fun to pretend, but there was more to life than playing a role. She was getting that now. Here, she would be one of Leo’s companions, his monster girl concubine who would fight at his side against whatever forces attacked him.

He has an army of monster girls for a reason, doesn’t he? she thought as she lowered her head to the feast, the sweet musk of the angel’s cunt filling her nose.

Morana’s cold hands touched the angel’s warm thighs. The chill of the grave was banished by the angel’s life and passion. The heat flowed up Morana’s body. She was undead, a banshee. A spirit given flesh. She liked how sexual delights warmed her up, making her feel almost alive.

She pressed her face into the angel’s hairless pussy. Thick labia slid over Morana’s lips. She was eager to eat her second pussy. To lick at the MILF and make her cum. That twat was fantastic to enjoy. Her tongue lapped out, sliding through that yummy pussy.

A thrill shot through her. She licked and lapped at this yummy pussy. Her hips wiggled back and forth, her heart beating so fast. She plunged her tongue into that delicious snatch, soaking in the angel’s warm and sweet delight.

“Damn,” groaned Leo as he nuzzled his cock into her butt-crack. “That is hot. My angel eating my succubus, and my banshee eating my angel.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” gasped Garnet. “We’re corrupting her holiness, Dark Lord Big Bro, and turning her into your angel-slut.”

Maya burst into laughter. “Oh, Mrs. Baldwin, I need to lick your pussy or I’ll ruin their fun.”

“I can never say no to you,” purred Leo’s mother. “I thought you were going to be my daughter-in-law one day. Maybe in the other world, that will still happen.”

“Oh, it will,” Maya said. “The other me is quite determined to make Leo see some sense.”

“I hope so,” Leo said as his cock drilled into Morana’s asshole.

“Oh, well, you two are dating,” Morana reported. “Or, at least, you were holding hands. I think Leo’s near-death pushed you two together or something.”

“Nice.” Leo rubbed his cock against her asshole. “I hope that other me is happy with that other you, Maya.”

“Yeah,” Maya said.

“Poor other Garnet.” Then the succubus threw her red wings wide. “Kweh, heh, heh, I get to love my big bro here!”

“Yes, you do,” Leo growled and thrust.

Morana gasped into the angel’s sweet pussy as her asshole spread and spread. Then her anal ring widened. His cock popped into her bowels. She moaned as he sank into her velvety sheath. It was different from her pussy. A rougher delight.

His hot cock warmed her nethers up. The heat spread through her body from her lips nuzzling into the angel-MILF’s pussy to that big dick sliding into her bowels. She shuddered and devoured Mrs. Lucina’s cunt while watching her big boobs jiggle.

Wow, big boobs are so delicious, Morana thought as she licked, dragging her tongue stud through those silky folds.

She thrust her tongue into the angel’s cunt as Leo drew back. Morana moaned, her body trembling. She licked and lapped and fluttered around in the MILF’s cunt, her tongue stud massaging her silky flesh. Leo rammed back into her, his balls smacking her taint.

The heat melted her pussy. Her cunt dripped juices down her thighs as Leo plunged away at her. He fucked her bowels with her hard strokes. It was such a delight for her to enjoy. She squeezed her bowels down around his cock as he fucked into her hard and fast.

“Goddamn, Morana,” he growled. “Mmm, you’re such a thrill. A banshee! Damn… I love how your ass heats up. Crystal’s and the yuki-onna’s stay chilly, but you get warmer and warmer with every thrust.”

“I know,” whimpered the MILF. “Ooh, Morana, that’s such a delight. Work that tongue stud around in my cunt.”

“Yes!” growled Leo as he fucked away at her bowels. “I got to feel that on my dick.”

“You will, Dark Lord!” moaned Morana, her asshole clenching down on his dick.

Garnet whimpered and moaned, her nubile body trembling on the angel’s mouth. Morana watched the succubus as she devoured Mrs. Lucina’s sweet cream. The banshee’s tongue danced around in that wonderful snatch, her tongue stud caressing the hot flesh.

Leo fucked her the entire time. He plowed into her with hard strokes. He fucked her with passion, heating her more and more. He drove her to her orgasm. She shuddered, her hips wiggling back and forth. Her bowels clenched about on his dick.

It was majestic.

Her eyes squeezed shut as she savored that wonderful passion slamming into her. He buried deep and hard into her bowels. It was incredible to feel. She whimpered, loving the passion. The rapture. It was fantastic for him to enjoy.

He pumped away at her. He buried to the hilt in her bowels, sending delight melting to her cunt. He thrust over and over into her bowels, his balls smacking into her cunt. She shuddered, feasting on the angel’s cunt with such passion.

“I’m going to cum, you naughty angel!” whimpered Garnet. “Kweh, heh, heh, you are our Dark Lord’s slutty angel now, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” squealed Mrs. Lucina, her cunt clenching on Morana’s tongue. “Yes, I am. Oh, you and the banshee have corrupted me with your passion. Take this.”

The MILF suckled. Garnet squealed, her wings flapping. She arched her back and then cried out in orgasmic delight. She bucked on the MILF’s face, grinding her cunt on the angel’s mouth. Mrs. Lucina’s jaw moved as she licked up that cream, her boobs jiggling.

Morana, her bowels melting around Leo’s thick dick, flicked her tongue stud up to that clit and battered it. Mrs. Lucina gasped. Her back arching as the naughty banshee attacked it. She wanted to make the woman gasp and moan and cry out in orgasmic delight.

“Oh, Morana!” gasped Mrs. Lucina. “Yes!”

Sweet pussy cream gushed out into Morana’s mouth. The banshee drank the hot flood while her bowels clenched down on Leo’s dick. He slammed to the hilt in her. She shuddered, her body trembling from the excitement of it.

“LEO!” she shrieked, her voice echoing through the room as she came.

“Oh, my god!” Mrs. Lucina gasped, her body bucking, her pussy gushing juices. “I felt that!”

Morana’s bowels convulsed around Leo’s cock. Her hot cunt spasmed, cream spilling down her thighs. She licked and lapped up the MILF’s juices as winds of bliss howled through the banshee’s body and scoured her mind with rapture.

“Yes, yes, yes,” he growled and erupted into her bowels.

Morana shrieked again as his hot cum pumped into her anal sheath. He fired blast after blast of his jizz into her. She loved it. This wonderful pleasure howled through her body. Ecstasy gusted over her thoughts. She whimpered, milking his dick.

“Ooh, ooh, yes!” Garnet panted. “Go, big bro, go! Baste her asshole.”

“Yes!” growled Leo, his cum pumping into the banshee’s asshole.

Morana loved it. She trembled through her bliss, her body quivering from all the delight. It was amazing. She felt so great. Her body trembled, her eyes squeezing shut. She whimpered from the delight, her heart beating so fast.

He groaned, pumping blast after blast of his cum into her bowels. She swam in his jizz. So much of it flooded her. She felt so good. So wonderfully full of all his jizz. He grunted, firing the last of his cum into her. Her own orgasm howled a final time then only a euphoric breeze wafted through her.

“Mmm,” she purred, lifting her face from the angel’s pussy. “You want to feel my tongue stud on your cock, Dark Lord?”

“Fuck, yes,” Leo groaned. “You going to suck my dirty dick clean.”

“I am,” moaned the wicked banshee.

He pulled his cock out of her bowels and slipped off the bed. She turned and licked her lips, her tongue stud rubbing on her soft mouth. She loved the taste of this sweet cream on her lips. She trembled and knelt on the floor before him.

She stared up at Leo. At this strong and hunky man. He wasn’t that shy guy from her high school. This Leo had confidence. Strength. He had experienced pain and suffering. It had forged him into this powerful man before her. She was thrilled to serve him.

She grabbed his cock and leaned forward. The sour scent of her asshole wreathed his cock. It made her feel so wicked as she opened her mouth and slid her lips over his crown. Her tongue stud pressed against him.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “That’s nice. That stud feels great on me. Damn, I like that.”

She was so happy. She suckled on him with hunger. He groaned, his face twisting with delight. He groaned, his fingers flexing. She suckled on him. She enjoyed nursing on his hard cock. This was such a thrill for her.

She bobbed her mouth, working her lips up and down his cock. She rubbed her tongue stud into his flesh, especially his crown. He groaned when she did that. His face contorted from the delight of it. He groaned, his chest rising and falling. It was clear that he loved it.

“Damn, that’s good. That’s real good, Morana,” he growled.

She shuddered, his cum leaking out of her asshole. She buffed off the sour taste of her bowels, nursing on him with such delight. A shiver ran through her body as she suckled hard. Her cheeks hollowed as she nursed on him.

The flavor of her asshole suffused her mouth. Morana could taste nothing else. She bobbed her head, nursing on him with everything that he had. Her tongue danced around his dick, her stud massaging him. She moaned, cleaning his cock.

Morana loved this. Her Dark Lord had brought her here. She was special. Like the other women of his harem. She groaned, nursing with all her might. She wanted his cum to spurt into her mouth after she had properly cleaned his body.

“Damn,” he groaned, sliding his hands through her black hair. “That’s it. Suck that cock clean, Morana. That’s perfect.”

She moaned and shuddered. The cool mist spilled down her back, her cloak of night. Warmth spread from his cock. It heated her with her every suckled. She nursed on him, her black lips sealed about his cock. She nursed hard, her red eyes staring up at him.

She bobbed her head, sliding her lips further and further down his cock. She had to get to the parts of his dick that were dirty. She had to clean all of him. His cock reached the back of her throat. The banshee forced her mouth further down him.

She swallowed his cock.

“Fuck, Morana,” he growled, his face twisting in delight.

Her pale cheeks hollowed as she kept suckling. She slid her black lips down his cock while his dick slid down her gullet. She moaned, massaging him with her vocal cords. She was a banshee. Attacking with sound was her specialty. Her voice had range.

She used that to pleasure him.

“Oh, my fucking god!” he gasped as she hummed with her talent around him.

Her tongue caressed and swept around his shaft, buffing his dick clean of her sour asshole. She pressed her stud into his cock, letting him feel that wonderful delight. She savored that dirty flavor. It suffused her taste buds. She slid her lips into his thick bush, her nose tickled by his curls. She had taken every inch of his dick, humming as she swirled her tongue and its stud about him.

She cleaned his cock. She kept nursing and swiping her tongue and its stud around his shaft until the earthy flavor of her bowels was gone. A shiver ran through her. She slid back up him. She suckled hard. He shuddered, his face contorting with the bliss of her blowjob.

“Goddamn, that’s good, Morana,” he groaned. Then he bucked as the crown of his cock passed her humming vocal cords. “Shit, that’s amazing.”

Good, she thought, so happy to please him like that.

She slid her lips further up his cock until he slid out of her gullet. Her tongue danced around the crown, massaging the spongy tip with the hard end of her tongue stud. He groaned as she did that. His face contorted with delight. He shook his head from side to side.

His hands gripped her head tighter. His chest rose and fell as she nursed on him with her passion. She suckled hard, the taste of his salty precum now suffusing her taste buds. It was an amazing delight for her to experience.

“That’s so good,” he panted. “Yes, yes, that’s amazing. Goddamn, Morana, I love it. I love that tongue stud of yours. Shit, that’s good. That’s fucking fantastic. You’re going to make me cum.”

Then cum, she thought. She wanted to scream it out, but she was swirling her tongue around his tip and suckling out his precum.

“I’m going to cum,” he groaned, his words coming out like a growl. “Shit, Morana!”

He ripped his cock out of her mouth and erupted in her face.

The banshee gasped in shock as his cum painted across her features. He spurted, jizz splashing across her cheeks and forehead. On her lips and chin. Lines of spunk crisscrossed her face. The heat soaked her skin. Some of the salty delights fired into her mouth.

“Yes, yes, yes,” he groaned as he came on her face, coating her in spunk.

Just like he’d masturbated and fantasized about this, she thought in delight, so glad to feel his jizz splashing her face.

“Fuck, yes!” he growled and fired a final blast.

A shiver ran through her at that thought. She dripped with his spunk. It ran down her cheeks and neck. It dripped hot onto her small breasts. It clung to her nose piercing. She fluttered her red eyes at him as he stared down with a huge smile.

“Was it as good as you imagined, my Dark Lord?” she asked, a shiver racing through her body.

“Better,” he said, a big grin on his lips. “That was way, way better in person.”

She smiled up at Leo. “Good. I’m glad.” She shuddered, licking her lips and gathering up the salty cum she could reach. “Because it was hot.”

He chuckled. That word had pleased him. He was thrilled.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I decided to add a new trap room to the Second Labyrinth on the first floor of the dungeon using the Death Glyph’s powers. There was one route, not the most direct, that could bypass the Overgrown Room or the Stalactite Room. I added the Life Sap Room there.

Any living creature that entered the room would feel a chill and find the greenish glow of the room to be eerie. Once inside, the doors would all lock. To open the doors, they would have to find four switches hidden in the room. The entire time, the life would be slowly stolen from them, sapping them until they perished.

I decided not to put the monster girls there. The ghosts were too useful not to be roaming one of the labyrinths. They could come through walls and ceilings and floors. They could ambush adventurers who had gotten deep into the dungeon, a new surprise for them to deal with.

I added them to the Third Labyrinth on the second floor. They would join orcs in patrolling that spot. I scattered them about and then released the Void Crystal. I wanted to start searching for more Mana Veins. I had a theory on where I could find some, but first I had other things to do.

I had magic to practice.

I headed to the throne room to work on it. My fingers itched to try out these new spells and understand what they could do. Morana padded after me. She had cleaned up all the cum on her face. The others seemed to have scattered to the dungeon to have fun with the monster girls.

We reached the throne room. Isatu was sleeping in the corner. Although sustaining her human form was way less energy-intensive than sustaining her dragon form, she tended to sleep more than the others. Maybe she was just used to sleep a lot. But her sleeping position reminded me a lot of her dragon form. Curled up, like she tried to cover her snout by her wing.

“And who is she?” Morana asked, blinking in confusion.

“Isatu, the fire dragoness I’ve tamed” I said. “She’s impressive in her dragon form.”

“I bet.” Morana shook her head. “Of course you have a dragon. That makes sense. This is that sort of world, isn’t it.”

“Yep.”

I walked to the map in the floor. I stared down at it to see where everyone was. Garnet had not gotten past the guard room and was doing something with Usiku, Paanee, and Baaghi. I smiled at the sight of them having their fun.

Nina, surprisingly, was swimming with the mermaids. She had Skela and Mase right on her. I wondered what they were doing to my naughty porn star. Mom had a pair of ghosts with her. Were Dusata and Grobi suckling at her tits? Were the ghosts nursing at her and enjoying her breast milk? I hoped they were. Lana Fulmine had Cikhala, the ooze’s dot overlapping hers while nearby Hagane had Philtara’s. Maya and Terra had Duhot and Ipalsi playing with them, the four almost on top of each other. Fara was in the new room I had made for her, having no fun at all. Crystal had found the salamanders. My ice sprite was in the hottest room in the dungeon looking to be just getting ravished by the salamanders. All five were around her.

Well, nothing in the dungeon could hurt her.

I looked around and found Mrs. Lucina had gone all the way to the entrance, a dangerous spot, and had Bhaaloo the werebear and Skamianiela the basilisk playing with her. I smiled at that, glad they were giving them all delights.

If an adventurer party attacked, they would have an annoyed angel to deal with, too. I hoped that didn’t happen.

“This is fascinating,” Morana said as she watched me search through the dungeon for my monster girls. They stood out from the others with their gold dots. The normal monster girls were blue dots. “You have the entire dungeon on here.”

“Yep,” I said.

“What’s that long tunnel.” She pointed to the one shooting off from the entrance.

“Leads to the village of Astovin,” I said. “Easier to get supplies if I can just teleport monster girls to the end so they can buy the food. Halia, Fara, and I need to eat. Mom usually does it since she’s the main cook.”

“That makes sense,” Morana said. “So, you have magic. You can cast spells.”

“He can,” Souleen said, her voice echoing in my mind.

“Wait, we have telepathy, too?” Morana asked.

I nodded. “You can communicate with everyone, a select few, or just one on one. We’re all linked through the Void Crystal. Even Halia and Fara are on it.”

“A party line,” Morana said.

I arched an eyebrow at her. “I’ve heard that term before, but never really knew where it came from.”

“It was back when people used landlines,” Morana said. “You would get a lot of people all on the same line. Like a group voice chat.”

“Ah, something from the nineties,” I said.

Morana nodded. The mythical Nineties. My mom spoke of that as this innocent age before things changed with 911 and then social media. A fun era without all the problems of the day. That was probably bullshit. The past was ever seen with rose-tinted glasses.

“So,” I said to Morana. “What should I start with. Flashy Fire magic or should I do some spooky Death magic.”

“You know what my vote will be,” she said, her nose ring gleaming amid her pale flesh. She arched a dark eyebrow. Her cloak of mist spilled down her back and washed along the floor until it faded.

“Fire it is,” I said, winking at her.

“Ah, I didn’t make specifically say Death, so you’re choosing the opposite of what I meant to be ironic, my Dark Lord?”

“Of course,” I said. “Garnet’s not here. So I feel someone has to be a brat.”

“I would never think you were a brat,” she said. “Annoying, maybe.”

I smiled at her. “You’re relaxing. That’s good. I was real worried when you first appeared. I knew you would be sexy as a banshee, but I wasn’t prepared for your personality.”

“I can be stubborn,” she said, her cheeks darkening slightly. A blushing banshee. God, how adorable. “So, let’s see your flashy fire magic.”

“The spells are all in my soul. I can hear the words. There are some rituals I won’t practice. They are only useful in very specific situations, but the normal spells are generally useful in battle. Though there are a few that are also situational.”

“Such as?”

“A spell to let me walk on ice without slipping,” I said. “I mean, if I’m fighting on a frozen lake, it’ll be useful, but a lot of the time, not so much.”

Morana smiled. “I suppose that would be true.”

“So, like all my powers, it’s all based on Words. I summoned you by using your name, same with the monster girls. The Word that defines you, Morana, is also what defines your shape. Fills that vessel with your will. All our thoughts are based on the foundation of words. It is how we command and shape things. It’s also important since we know that there’s this Incarnation and something associated with her is known as the ‘Word of my Father.’”

She nodded.

I pulled out the first spell in the fire tree. “This is a Beginner Tier spell. Low level, you would say. There are four tiers of strength for us dungeon builders. I’m at the Intermediate Tier, lets me have Level 2 monster girls and cast more powerful spells. Like this!

“Whip and crack, let the lash of Lord Gibil strike!”

Flame lash sent a whip of flame flinging out and slashing in the air before me. Red and orange fires burned through the air. Morana arched an eyebrow. The heat from it washed over me. She nodded, a smile on her lips.

“Very flashy.” She bit her lower lip. “How well is it at transferring energy. It doesn’t last long. Normal fire probably wouldn’t do much damage it brushed someone for such a brief moment. Second-degree burns, maybe.”

“It’s magic,” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “Such a lazy excuse for things. This is why I love sci-fi and hate Lord of the Rings.”

“How can you hate Lord of the Rings.” I stared at her and shook my head. “But you love Star Wars.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s not sci-fi either. That’s fantasy with a techno-babble veneer thrown on it. Especially those new movies.” She made a retching sound. “No, no, Star Trek, and not that new shitty stuff either. Old Trek. Battlestar Galactica, minus those dumb angels or whatever they were, Babylon 5, Earth: Final Conflict, Black Mirror, Space Above and Beyond, Firefly, the Expanse. Lots of good, hard sci-fi out there.”

“Nice,” I said, nodding. “I haven’t even heard of some of those. You’re an interesting girl, Morana.”

“I’m a banshee now,” she said with pride, swelling up.

“A sexy and gothy banshee.”

She snorted. “Gothy? That’s not a word.”

“Sure it is,” I said. “I made it into an adjective with that little Y. Sounds cute, too. Just like you.”
She rolled her eyes. “My Dark Lord, you are proving to be so disappointing. You are ruining all my fantasies.”

“I can roleplay for you later,” I said as I dredged up the next spell to use, Blazing Breath. “I’ll conjure a dark cloak, some whips and chains, and then I’ll torment my banshee with all my evil lusts and make you quiver.”

Morana shivered. The mist spilling down her back poured even faster. “Would you truly do that for me? I would love that. Helpless to your passion. You would enslave me with your dark lusts and turn me into your dark queen.”

“I’ll even make a crown for you,” I said. “Something silver.”

She smiled for a moment. “Fine, fine, you have redeemed yourself, my Dark Lord.”

We both burst into laughter. It was a delight seeing Morana laugh. She was always so serious, but now she was letting down that facade she hid behind. Mrs. Lucina had spanked right through the pretension that Morana had hidden behind.

Isatu let out a snort. I glanced at the dragon girl. She was still sleeping. She had hardly stirred. I guessed we weren’t disturbing her. Fire was her element, after all, none of the spells I was practicing right now could harm her.

I faced forward and then spoke, “A gout of flame, let the breath of Lord Gibil burn!”

Flames burst from my mouth and swept over the ground. They spilled out of me, the heat crackling before me. It was like standing before a bonfire, and yet it didn’t affect me like that. I didn’t feel like my face was drying out or anything. The fire vanished in a second, leaving behind air rippling from the heat for a second.

“Very impressive,” said Morana. “You would do well at a carnival.”

I smiled. “Maybe I should take my act to Astovin and entertain the kiddies. Abandon this whole Dark Lord thing.”

“But you’ve promised whips and chains,” Morana said, quivering. “You can’t do that if you abandon being my Dark Lord.”

“True,” I said. “Protection of fire, let the warmth of Lady Lamashtu shield!”

Fiery Blood heated me and made me immune to fire. Not just my own. “I think I could take a swim in magma with this spell going, Morana.”

“You can’t swim in magma,” Morana said. “It’s molten rock, so it’s still way dense. You would just walk on the surface of it. You’d maybe sink in a bit, but it would be slow. You’d essentially float on it.”

“There goes the dream of jumping into Mount Doom and pretending I’m Gollum,” I said, shaking my head. “That was a Lord of the Ring reference for those of you that hate it.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I had nooooo idea what we’re talking about.”

I smiled at her. “Definitely like you now that you’ve come out of your shell. The real you is quite fun, you know that.”

“How horrifying.” She shivered. “Fun? I’ll have to work on getting back to dark and depressing.” She slouched and put on a vacant look. “The ennui of life is drowning me in despair. I yearn for the cold embrace of the earth, buried for all eternity with the worms that shall feast upon my slowly rotting corpse until I am one with the soil.”

“There you go,” I said, shaking with mirth-. Then I unleashed Fireburst. “Fire explodes, let the rage of Lord Gibil erupt!”

A great burst of flame erupted on the far side of the throne room. The orange and red tongues leaped up into the air and vanished, leaving charred stones behind. The air danced and rippled. Isatu continued to sleep. What did it take to wake her up?

Morana arched an eyebrow. “That one was strong. Intermediate Magic?”

“Yep,” I said. “Flame burst and burn, let the anger of Lord Gibil destroy!”

A spurt of flame flew from my hand and streaked across the room to strike the far wall where it burst across it, leaving a scorch mark behind. I smiled, loving the effect that Flame Spurt had. That could burn right through someone.

“Flashy,” she said, cocking her head. “I would not want to be hit by that.”

“Right?” Then I smiled at her. “You want to see something wild.” I threw my arms wide. “Incarnation of flames, let the passion of Lady Lamashtu embrace!”

Flamebody engulfed me in, well, flames. I became a walking bonfire. It didn’t hurt me. I felt fine, but I was a moving inferno. I advanced on Morana, my arms still wide like I wanted to hug her. She arched an eyebrow.

“Burning to death is not how I wish to die, my Dark Lord,” she said. “I want to leave behind a beautiful, pristine corpse.”

“For the worms to feed on and reduce you to soil.”

“Exactly.” She quivered, her small breasts jiggling. “To die young before age ravishes me.”

“Well, you’re a monster girl, so age won’t ravish you.” I smiled. “I know a dungeon builder who’s been here for fifty years. Still looks like he’s in his twenties.”

“So I don’t have to die to stay beautiful.” Morana smiled. “Now I sound vain. Ugh, did I really talk like that all the time? All spooky and disturbing? Was I just creeping people out instead of awing them with how deep and profound I was?”

I killed Flamebody. “Yep.”

“So what does it say about you that you brought me here over other girls,” she said. “Like Alizee.”

I smiled at the thought of the blonde cheerleader with her flawless face and those perky tits. She had toned thighs and an ass. “I still have two more glyphs to gain.”

Morana rolled her eyes. “Still, why me? You had your pick of hot girls. Porn stars. Actresses. Sluts who put out. Why a weird virgin like me who pretended to be the queen of the dead.”

I pulled her naked body to mine, sliding my arms around her. The black mist spilling off her chilled my arms. She was cold to the touch, and yet that felt appropriate. “Because you were memorable. You stood out. You were your own person, even if it was a weird, gothy person.” I slid my hands down and grabbed her ass. “Because you made an impression on me. I didn’t just masturbate to any girl at our high school.”

“Why does that make me feel better?” Morana asked. “When it comes off so disturbing. Why do I feel proud that you jerked off to me and not disgusted.”

“Because you’re the part of Morana that could fall in love with me,” I said, rocking her. “And the part of Morana I could love. And love is accepting that your boyfriend jerked off to you before you got together. Didn’t you rub your virgin pussy thinking about guys?”

“Mmm, Brandon Lee,” she purred. “He’s so sexy in the Crow. And he died. So it’s so tragic. Young and hot. He’ll never grow old”

“Wow, you never once masturbated to me?” I asked, massaging her rump.

“Not even once, my Dark Lord.” She lifted her face. “And now you have a harem of fifty-something monster girls, so if I’m ever horny, I have a lot of options.”

“Maybe, just once, you’ll masturbate to me?” I asked, not sure why I wanted her to say that.

She hugged me back. “Sure.” She wiggled, my cock throbbing against her. “Now, you were going to show off those Death spells. I’m curious.

“Right, right,” I said. “Sorry. But this shouldn’t hurt you.”

She lifted her head. “What?”

“Cold and hungry, let the power of Lord Nergal consume!” I chanted, the words for Leach Life spilling from me.

She gasped as I tried to steal energy from her, but it didn’t work. She wasn’t “alive.” She was a banshee. Undead. I thought so. If she were alive, and I had a feeling that “life” would include Hagane and Terra, I would have stolen her energy to heal my wounds.

“That felt… ticklish,” she said. “Mmm, what did you try to do.”

I winked at her and then broke away. “Next one is Endure Pain. Lets me get hurt and not feel it. Not really something I’m into. I more prefer to armor myself with Granite Flash and Metalcoat, and just not get hurt at all. But if I had started with the Death Glyph, it would be useful. Getting hurt is quite the distraction.”

“I bet,” Morana said. She swallowed. “You really fight, don’t you. You’ve killed before.”

I closed my eyes, nodded. “I’ve slain four dungeon builders plus a lot of monster girls.”

She stroked her hand to my heart. “I knew I saw real pain in your eyes.” She squeezed hers shut. “I liked to pretend my life was pain, but it really wasn’t all that bad. I didn’t have to fight. I didn’t have to hurt others. I didn’t have to suffer to live. I just had annoying parents. I was such a shallow twit.”

“Most teenagers are.” I smiled at her. “But the good news, real suffering’s going to come.” I tried to laugh like it was a joke, but it died in my throat. I would be facing Halia’s father again. Anguin would rip me apart. These Death spells were supposed to be the way to hurt him. Leach Life would be good. Endure Pain…

“Pain retreats, let the chill of Lady Ereshkigal sustain!”

The internal spell fell on me, the last of the Beginner Tier ones. Only two for Death. I broke from Morana and marched to the wall. I faced it and then punched it as hard as I could. I struck the stone. I should have felt my knuckle break. I felt the impact, but to me it was like I bumped into it.

I flexed my hand. “I think I broke a knuckle. Can’t be sure.”

“If you can’t be sure,” Morana said. “Then that spell has a major flaw. You could be badly injured and not even realize it.”

“Yeah.” I glanced at her. “Smart. I could be bleeding to death with this spell.” I dismissed it. “Shit!”

My hand burst with pain. I rubbed at my knuckle and felt where I had broken it. I winced and then muttered the words to Soothing Touch. The lesser healing spell numbed the pain away and repaired the damaged knuckle.

Morana had a big smirk on her lips and shook her head.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m being dumb,” I said and then drew on the next spell, an Intermediate. “Death reaps and harvests, let the scythe of Lord Nergal kill!”

A slash of deathly energy shot from me and washed across the room. It hit the wall and passed through it. “Spectral Scythe,” I said, nodding. “That’s a spell.”

“It can go through armor and leaves behind numbing pain,” Souleen said, her voice echoing in my mind. “And don’t go hurting yourself.”

I smiled. She could be a bit of a mother. “That spell is going to be useful against Anguin.”

“Anguin?” Morana asked.

“He’s the man that killed every single one of my monster girls. I barely managed to drive him away. Only Halia and Fara survived.” I explained what had happened.

Morana swallowed. She looked even paler than usual. Then she straightened. “You’re stronger now. You have Nina Naughty, the salamanders, the ghosts, and me. You just need a plan to fight him. You found ways to hurt him. Light magic.”

“Yeah,” I said. I had one more Death spell and a ritual. The ritual was Animate Corpse. I could make zombies and skeletons to serve me. A macabre part of me thought about using the corpses of adventurers that way. It was disgusting.

I didn’t want to go that far. It was bad enough I killed them, but to abuse their corpses?

“There must be more spells,” Morana said.

“You’ll love this one,” I said and winked at her. “The grave embraces, let the embrace of Lady Ereshkigal preserve!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morana gasped as the moment Leo finished saying those words, he collapsed. He lay limp on the ground, his face going pale. Her eyes widened in shock. Then she darted to him. She fell to her knees beside him, her fingers cupping his face. She stroked him, feeling for any sign of life. He was cold to the touch.

No warmth in him at all.

“Leo?” she gasped, pain squeezing about her throat.

She slid her hands down to his chest. She felt at his heart. She couldn’t feel it beating at all. He had died. She breathed heavily, staring down at him with such pain. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t have just died. That wasn’t right at all.

“No, Leo,” she gasped, tears springing in her eyes. “You can’t be gone. My Dark Lord!”

Suddenly, warmth flooded through him. His heart beat. A strong thud-lud. His eyes snapped open and he sucked in a breath. His body spasmed, and he sat up, blinking. He shook his head. She stared at him in shock.

“Death’s Sleep,” he said. “Put me in a state of suspended animation. Let’s you fake being dead.” He shook his head. “Leach Life is interesting, and Spectral Scythe is amazing, but Death is proving to be a lacking sphere of magic at these tiers. I just… I don’t know if it’ll be…” His words trailed. “Did I scare you?”

“Yes!” she gaped, glaring at him. If she had a heart, it would be beating with such fury. “I thought you’d killed yourself. You should have warned me.”

“Sorry, sorry. Thought you’d dig that whole beautiful corpse. Maybe you’d start playing with my cock or something.”

“Eww.” A shiver of disgust ran through her. “I’m goth, not a necrophiliac. That’s so gross. Ugh, why do boys have to be so nasty sometimes.”

“Because most of the time, we make you wet,” he said. “Are you wet?”

“No!” She glared at him. “I bet the other monster girls don’t have to put up with you faking your death.”

“Didn’t have Death’s Sleep before,” he said, smiling at her. “So I couldn’t.”

She glared at him.

“What?” he asked innocently enough. “I thought it was a good demonstration. We know how magic works. That’s important.” He rubbed at his head. “And it hurt collapsing like that. God, that was a strange spell. I could feel everything going on around me and yet I could do nothing. It was like… dozing.”

“Dozing?”

“Yep. Dozing on the edge of death.” He shivered. “Not my favorite thing in the world. Nor my style. I’m not one for playing dead. I’d rather fight.”

“Good.” She stood up. “Don’t ever use that spell again. You’ll scare all your women. We’ll all be freaked out by what happened to you. So don’t be mean.

He nodded. “I won’t be mean.”

“He’s not mean,” purred Isatu.

Morana glanced over to see the dragon shifting position. She let out a sigh and seemed to resume her sleep. The banshee was shocked by how fast she could get used to something like a dragon girl being a part of the same harem as herself.

She belongs here, thought Morana. And so do I.

To be continued…

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6 thoughts on “The Dungeon Builder’s Harem Book Three Part Sixteen

  1. Tim

    *ZOMBIES!!!* I knew you wouldn’t let me down! Leo doesn’t have to use them, and I get it’s not your thing, so they won’t be hot. But they *do exist* in this world, and somehow, just knowing they’re there sets my heart at ease!

    I know. I’m a weirdo! 🤪

    Reply
  2. Polysanity

    Noticed another inconsistent detail; at a couple points Morana remarks to herself about if she had a heart, but then while Leo is finishing in her ass we get

    >She whimpered from the delight, her heart beating so fast.

    Also, I kinda loved that an angelic paddling knocked her right out of Protagonist Syndrome (or Chuunibyou, if you’re a weeb). For every chill goth there seems to be two pretentious overachievers.

    Reply
    1. Alex

      Hey, the beta reader here.
      First of, let me make it clear that I don’t feel attacked by your comment or that I felt the need to justify my oversight here, it’s just that I WANTED to comment on this (because I considered your point of view).
      Next, I can’t with certainty claim that I found this particular instance, but I can honestly say that at least at SOME point I noticed this “heart-issue”. But I chose not to flag this as wrong (and since then continued with this decision) and here’s why:
      – We all have a heart, and so do the characters in this story while they are in the “real world”, and partially they still do in the “dungeon world”. It is only some of them that got turned into creatures that are not “living creatures” by our definition/judgement (golems, statues, …). So, some can clearly make statements about their heart beating in certain ways. Others, like you pointed out, shouldn’t be able to.
      – The thing here is, that we can’t imagine to experience a life without a heart. Because for us this is flat out impossible. Ever heard of phantom pain, where you experience pain (or in general any form of sensation) in body parts that aren’t there anymore (e.g. because of amputation)? Similarly, why shouldn’t a “magical” creature without a heart be able to experience physical reactions, that they technically aren’t capable of anymore?. They will still experience feelings of love, hate, rage, sadness (and more), that all are related to particular bodily reactions.
      – So, for one, it might be really dull to always read the same comment about some characters describing their heart-less situation and second, in the heat of the moment it is totally possible that one of them experiences something she associates with some bodily reaction that she then describes to the reader. Sure, the women don’t tell their own story, only Leo does, so the all-knowing narrator should know better, but the same argument still holds, that they might actually believe that they feel their heart beating.
      – Lastly, for me this is always a trade-off. I can’t flag too much just because of the slightest doubt that something might be fishy, otherwise, most of my comments are noise and the important stuff gets lost (and my comments would mean more work rather than less for the author(s)). And if I flag too few, stuff like this (or even worse) can happen (as your comment shows, whether I should have questioned this, is debatable). I really appreciate that you read the story this observantly. At times I feel like I’m the only one stumbling over such details. But there is always some threshold for what I believe could be actual intention for the story and what definitely is a mistake. Believe me, I will report the latter (and I do report/correct a decent amount), But when this particular issue came up, I thought about this and justified to myself that this can clearly be intentional (phantom heart beats and such) and kept quiet. (And yes, I also flag those “fishy” details when appropriate, most of them turn out to be unproblematic)

      I hope that shines a light on the reason why some might feel that there is an inconsistency. I hadn’t, to me this felt right (enough). I guess going forward, I have to flag this now. 😉 Either way, have a great week.

      Reply
      1. mypenname3000 Post author

        It does. Thanks. 🙂 He does report many inconscinstancies. It’s a huge story with lots of characters.

        Reply

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